


Anything Can Happen With Entropy

by Josenka



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fangirl Stereotypes, Mild Language, Nerd Stereotypes, Outdated Nerd Stereotypes, Romance Novel Stereotypes, Spock Worship, Star Trek References, Word Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 21:19:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7480476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josenka/pseuds/Josenka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard meets chaos when Penny begins watching Star Trek with Sheldon; story could theoretically fit within the 7th Season canon.</p><p>
  <i>Leonard glowered at his theoretical friend. "Sheldon, are you experimenting on Penny again? You know it's prohibited by our latest Roommate Agreement!"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Don't panic, Leonard," smiling Penny assured him. "There's a perfectly logical explanation."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He crossed his arms. "What do you mean by logical?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"You see, Syfy's making more of those lame-o Sharknado type movies," she began. "I'm going to audition for them with a little something extra, something extra special for their geeky casting directors: a little nerd cred. They'll wet themselves knowing 'Screaming Blonde #2' knows the difference between all the Star Treks."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Can Happen With Entropy

**Author's Note:**

> _Entropy_ \- The degree of disorder in a system which increases as energy transfers from one state of matter to another.

_Clickety-clackety-click-clack-clack._  He woke. Those clamorous taps, it had to be Sheldon. Again. By the old gods and the new, that bothersome bugaboo, he had to enlighten Leonard about revelations acquired while performing the most mundane of scheduled bodily functions. _Clickety-clackety-clack._

No, Leonard laid in her bed. _Her bed!_ Thank the Lords of Kobol, there would be no Sheldon trespassing here, laden with critiques for the latest episodes of Helix, when her "coitus chamber" was a petri dish of bacterial delights to him. But he was here, in her warm, comfy bed with--without her!? He was alone. _Alone!_ He panicked for Penny, hands fumbling in blurry darkness. Where was she? She had gone. Like a dream. Another unobtainable dream blighting his days and nights--

Oh, there she was! Calm swiftly seceded when he discerned the blonde blob, in leopard spots, illuminated by computer light. He reached for thick glasses to better observe this fury with which her fingers thrashed the keyboard.

"Penny, with such fervor you type!" he mused. "Are you posting more four letter reviews of The Cheesecake Factory?"

Digits halted. "No, I--I'm just catching up on e-mails from my cousin who finally left that cult."

"Well, why not just poke him and come back to bed?"

"I can't," she laughed awkwardly. "Really, he literally doesn't know anything about Facebook! He's been in the boonies since before MySpace was lame."

"Well, can't he wait?"

"Give me five, maybe ten, minutes to finish this. And then, then we can snuggle, my little homunculus."

He smiled at her scientific endearment. It had once been an insult from Sheldon, but Penny had transformed it into his bedroom name. 

* * *

After scaling three flights of stairs with groceries, Leonard lumbered into the apartment with sore shoulders and aching arms. Neither Penny nor Sheldon heeded his entrance. Sheldon, ensconced in his sacred spot, nattered about dilithium crystals to Penny, pensively perched beside him, nodding as he explained how Spock discovered this substance could be re-crystalized. Technobabble terminated when Captain James T. Kirk strutted onto the screen like Howard the Astronaut into the University cafeteria. Penny appeared as rapt as Sheldon by the space cowboy badgering his logical half.

"My God!" Leonard laughed. "My eyes'll need a new prescription if I keep seeing what I'm seeing!"

"You need to better communicate the specifics of what you've been seeing," Sheldon huffed. "For all I know it could be Elvis and Sasquatch on a tandem you've been seeing."

"Sheldon, you know what I--"

_ "Shhhh!" _

Leonard espied a cheesy fight scene as he carried groceries to their kitchen island. "Sheldon, you've seen that episode like a million times."

"Quit exaggerating, Leonard," Sheldon glared at his roommate. "I've seen this episode fifty-three times and Penny's seen it twice."

Eyebrows quirked. "Penny, you've sat through this twice!?"

"Yeah, I have," Penny admitted. "It will be--what's that word for three--oh, yes, thrice! It'll be thrice if I survive this."

"Yesterday thrice was our word of the day," Sheldon interjected. "Today it's umbrage and tomorrow it's osmosis."

Leonard glowered at his theoretical friend. "Sheldon, are you experimenting on Penny again? You know it's prohibited by our latest Roommate Agreement!"

"Don't panic, Leonard," smiling Penny assured him. "There's a perfectly logical explanation."

He crossed his arms. "What do you mean by logical?"

"You see, Syfy's making more of those lame-o Sharknado type movies," she began. "I'm going to audition for them with a little something extra, something extra special for their geeky casting directors: a little nerd cred. They'll wet themselves knowing 'Screaming Blonde #2' knows the difference between all the Star Treks."

"That's a maniacal little plan!"

"It's a cutthroat business I'm in"

"So that means you're like a pirate then--"

_"Shhhh!"_ Sheldon shushed as his idol materialized in HD. "Spock's speaking!"

Leonard and Penny complied with the King of Apartment 4A. Resistance would have resulted in unrelenting recollections from Sheldon about how Spock, like Professor Proton, had informed his childhood decisions.

* * *

In the starless room, they cuddled in post-coital bliss before her menagerie of plushy animals who lurked like alien anthropologists to observe humans in their most private acts. Leonard sighed, impressed by the stamina he had acquired in her bed; he rarely needed his inhaler after their amorous experimentations now. Penny snuggled nearer to him, twisting her head to kiss his flushed cheeks.

"My sweet little homunculus," she murmured, "I'm going to ask you something totally weird."

"It can't be weirder than the things Sheldon asks me."

"Okay, in all those Star Trek shows, films and stuff, did anyone ever get like an STD?"

Leonard unloosed his arms from her. "Oh my God, we've got herpes!"

"God, Sheldon's right!" She rolled away from him, abandoning the reach of his embrace. "You overreact to everything." She scampered to her desk where her shoe shopping companion waited to console her.

"Come on, Penny, I know I totally screwed up again!"

"You just accused me of giving you herpes," she snapped as her laptop powered on. "I think you should leave before I catch something creepy you caught playing Klingon Boggle with Raj and Howard."

While she attacked her keyboard- _-clickety-clackety-click-clack-clack!_ \--Leonard snatched his discarded clothes. He stomped to his apartment, slamming doors between here and there. He trudged by Sheldon, who was watching _Doctor Who_ ; the Texan did not inquire after his friend since the temporal crises on Gallifrey was more engrossing than _The Neverending Story of Spatting Lovers_.

* * *

Monday meant Thai food, along with snide comments that "No Peanut Boy" was ordering a feast for friends unseen, Monday after Monday. Leonard endured their sneers, often in other languages, which were insignificant annoyances compared to the inquisition Sheldon subjected him to about his order. For whatever reason tonight was bereft of conversation, everyone interacted with mobile devices between deploying plastic utensils to attack noodles. Silence was sometimes surmounted when Sheldon read witticisms from Amy who was attending a prestigious neurology symposium in Las Vegas.

Raj giggled while Leonard played Words With Friends with his mother, who had just outspelled his phloem with her xylem. Titters persisted, interrupting Leonard who needed points after his opponent posted ixtle and qorma. Without Bernadette here to babysit them, having work obligations, Howard snatched an iPhone from Raj. Stone-faced, The Wolowizard scrolled through whatever had caused his friend to snort like Ugnaughts from Star Wars

"Raj, you don't read slash!" Howard scolded. "You're supposed to download porn."

"Huh?" Penny stared up from her obsolete iPhone at the bromantic duo. "Slash!?"

"Oh, you don't know?" Howard engaged in condescension without Bernadette to check him. "It's when sex-starved fangirls put two favorite characters together in a romantic relationship. Like Holmes and Watson, Spike and Angel, Clark and--"

"Kirk and Spock!" Raj chuckled. "They're the most shipped couple ever!"

"I know what slash is, but why is Raj reading it?" Penny scoffed. "It's like all the cheap, trashy e-books my sister reads about cowboys and schoolmarms."

"Romance on the high seas of space isn't trashy!" Raj objected. "Spock's struggled for fifty-nine chapters to express his feelings for Kirk; it's only now, when Kirk's dying of Drawohian Plague that--"

"God, Spock'a too logical to hook up with germ-infested 23rd Century manslut like Kirk."

"Penny," Sheldon smiled, "It's no longer improbable for me to not agree with you on something very important."

"I thank you effusively, Sheldon."

"That's a commendable use of today's word." Leonard shook his head at their irritating word game. "But will you be ready for Brobdingnagian?"

"Howard," Raj yelled, "give it back now!" He dove at Howard for his device, but the wily Astronaut evaded capture as he scampered from someone weighted down by a a plaid sweater vest. "Kirk was about to cry since Spock kissed him, even if it'll kill him."

"You'll have to kill me to get it back!" Howard halted. "You--you're reading T'Pen?" he laughed. "Bernie reads her, too."

"She's the best!"

"Bernie loves her stories! Especially the ones about Chekov and Sulu stuck on a deserted planet; she says it reminds her of you and me."

"Oh, yes, their adventures on Wakkidudel!" Raj nodded. "It's very sad but steamy. Has she read how Scotty really beams people up?"

"I haven't heard about it, but I'm afraid I will now."

"Okay, it's totally time for me t'go now." Penny rose. "I've got an acting class t'go to."

Leonard frowned, "But--but I though you had that only on Tuesdays and Thursday."

"Well, call it an emergency," she laughed awkwardly as she tiptoed away. "There're presentations tomorrow. Bye guys!"

After she departed, Sheldon offered his loathsome version of the dirty look to Howard and Raj. "It's fickle fanboys like you who're harming the integrity of nerds everywhere."

"It's old-fashioned nerds like you who ruin Nerddom with your draconian fanboy stances," Howard retorted. "Hey, since when has Penny become so knowledgable about Star Trek?"

"Maybe she's been reading Kirk/Spock, too," Raj commented. "It got Priya interested in--"

"That's ridiculous!" Leonard sputtered. "She reads Chick Lit."

"Come on," Howard countered, "slash _is_ Chick Lit."

"Chick Lit?" Sheldon interrupted. 'Well, let me tell you about my neighbor's chick...en that chased me up a tree..."

For the umpteenth time, the Texan retold the tale for his friends and Howard, that guy who was always lurking around the apartment.

* * *

Into the comic book store they strode. Captain Sweatpants, Lonely Larry, Albino Bob and the coterie of nerds ogled Penny on the arm of Leonard. He smirked and swaggered as envious eyes impaled him. All those covetous creeps languished in their desolate nerdish dens at night, seeking someone special, anywhere from Craigslist to Christian Mingle; he, too, had once been desperate, but never had he been so distraught as them. Their eyes stalked Penny as she approached Stuart while he rifled through nearby bins for treasures that would taunt Sheldon.

"Ahhhh." From behind the counter, Stuart stared at his two-time date. "Hi, Penny."

"Hey there, Stuart!"

"Well, um, what brings your loveliness into this lonely realm of losers?"

"Oh, this place isn't so lonely when you have events." Stuart uttered some strange noises that caused Leonard to quirk his eyebrows at the sad-faced specimen. "You know, I think there's this girl I know from--in my acting class who'd be literally perfect for you," she continued. "Sure, she's cross-eyed, but she's totally into haunted asylums. She totally hearts Batman and Joker, too, especially like all that stuff that happens in Arkham."

"Oh, Lord, when can I meet her?"

"Here, I'll give you Natalie's blog address." She reached into her purse for old-fashioned paper and pen. "You'll want to be sure you want to meet her, considering how us modern fangirls can scare you old school fanboys."

Loudly, Stuart announced: "They say fangirls are adventurous in the sack." Now the sloven coterie of nerds were eavesdropping on this ethereal matchmaker.

"Anyway, Stuart," her voice lowered. "Okay, unlike shoes, I don't like shopping for clothes online; I'm totally iffy about these places renting sexy Star Trek Uhura type costumes, considering Raj has one. I thought maybe you know a reputable place I can get one that doesn't have juice stains."

"My cousin's roommate's sister's friends have a shop in Glendora," he answered. "It's called Glenn and Glenda's. So, um, Penny, are Leonard and you roleplaying?"

"God, no!" she chuckled. "Leonard's a horrible actor; he's the same whiny worrywart no matter what he tries, even if it's the Mighty Hulk. This is--this is for a costume party one of my friends from acting class is having." Leonard scowled at Penny and Stuart as they discussed superhero disguises.

* * *

Chaos reigned in Sheldontopia. No longer was the Sheldonian Calendar celebrated with perverse punctuality. Laundry Night was not kept holy; it had transformed into Sheldon and Penny Watch Star Trek (again). Entropy in this universe increased beyond Anything Can Happen Thursday. One constant remained: Sheldon continued to occupy his spot (0, 0, 0). Scientist that he was, Leonard observed the agents of this disorder conspiring on the couch while he reached another impasse in his research, something he would not inform his magnanimous roommate about.

"Sheldon," Penny wondered, "do you think Kirk could've defeated the Borg?"

"He couldn't do so without Spock's ingenuity to backup his bravado."

"But what if the Borg like assimilated Kirk and caught some really weird disease from him?"

Sheldon grimaced, as if disappointed by her query. "Have you been watching 'I, Borg' or Voyager on the sly?"

"I'm not deviating from your episode schedule, Captain Cooper."

Amused, Leonard remarked, "Really, you two have been spending a lot of time on that couch lately."

"Poor Leonard," Sheldon shook his head, "such a disseminator of the obvious, isn't he?"

"Aye, Captain," Penny laughed. "That's an erudite use of Thursday's word."

"Hmm, Thursday," Leonard mumbled. "Penny, how was your acting class? I thought you had a big project."

"Oh, it got cancelled," she shrugged. "Half the class got food poisoning from a fish taco truck after Tuesday's gathering."

"Did you eat any?"

"God, no! I won't eat fish tacos after what I've seen at The Cheesecake Factory; it's scarier than what my great uncle uses to make sausage."

"Enough chitchat!" Sheldon scolded them. "Penny, you need to be prepared to watch the worst Star Trek episode ever: 'Spock's Brain'."

"I thought you worshipped Spock's brain."

"No," Sheldon scowled, "not for the duration of this episode."

* * *

Alas, woe was Leonard. And Leonard was woe. He moped and mewled and moaned. Sheldon said he repined, which happened to be the word of the day. This week had been the worst. _The worst!_ On Friday, Penny had cancelled their date for another out-of-class meeting with her "acting class". However, she has not abandoned her Saturday night Star Trek session with Sheldon who reveled in "enlightening" her so much he would rearrange his schedule for her, but never for Amy. Was it, perhaps, because Sheldon subconsciously lusted after Penny?

Speak of Cthulhu, the Spock devotee strolled into the room, laden with his sock basket from ever shifting laundry day. It was an absolute, a 100% probability he would demand "his spot" from the repiner.  _Or else._ There were onerous fines for violating the Prime Directive of the Roommate Agreement.

"Shut up, I fucking know!" Leonard caterwauled as he scooted and slumped into sitting position away from the spot. "I know I was in your fucking spot, so piss off!"

"I'm happy our mothers aren't here to hear you speak thusly," Sheldon observed as he reclaimed his throne. "Well, if you're using that language, then I'll note the obvious to your logic-deprived mind: you haven't had coitus in a week."

"Like I don't know!" Leonard lamented. "Penny's spending all her damned time with people from her dumb 'acting class' in Diamond Bar."

"She informed me her acting class was meeting in San Dimas tonight."

Leonard glowered. "You--are--are you sure?"

"I'm as sure as you are uncertain." Sheldon glanced up from matching superhero socks. "My eidetic memory ensures my sureness with 100% certainty."

"She hasn't had Girls' Night with Amy and Bernadette lately, either," Leonard recollected. "Sheldon, do you--do you think Penny's cheating on me?"

"She does cheat on her taxes; she asked me to conspire with her last year."

"God, I'm serious!" Leonard wailed. "She's always on her laptop or mobile instead of cuddling with me after sex."

"That's a more hygienic arrangement for you so, perhaps, we can renegotiate bathroom procedures..."

"Sheldon, this--this acting class, I don't think it--they exist! I bet--I bet she's cheating on me with that dumbass Zack after she just divorced him."

"I doubt Zack could operate a mobile device; he can barely engage with his hypothalamus."

"I know--I know what to do! Sheldon, will you help me hack her computer?"

"You should consult the NSA for that."

"Sheldon!"

"Fine," the Texan rolled his always annoyed eyes, "if it'll stop your whining then. Retrieve her laptop and I'll prove to you how baseless your accusations are."

* * *

Heavy hung the darkness while they waited to ambush her. Come the midnight hour, bolts twisted ajar. Door hinges squeaked like the bed in the apartment overhead. With the aid of iPhone light, she slithered into their lair, likely in search of leftovers to snack on as her refrigerator was "a literal wine cooler cooler". From his spot, Sheldon clapped for illumination. There, they caught her, Penny perusing the shelves adorned with his well-thumbed Star Trek Encyclopedias from Pre-Wikipedia Times when she could have consulted Memory Alpha.

"Penny, I can't believe it!" Leonard shouted from the kitchen. "Your password's bazinga!"

"You told me it's unsafe to use password," she countered. "Forwards or backwards--fuck, what were you doing on my computer? There's very personal stuff on there!"

"God, why're you sneaking in here like that?"

"I didn't want to bother Sheldon."

"Well, I'm right here, in my spot," he answered. "Leonard was concerned you were cheating on him with the cognitively deficient Zack. I told him he was mistaken. Of course, in the end, I was correct; my correctness was confirmed after he stole your laptop."

Leonard snapped, "And you hacked into it!"

"And you," she seethed, "you still don't trust me!"

"Penny, you lied to me!" her boyfriend bellowed. "You were lying about all those acting classes, too."

"How the hell was I supposed to tell you I've been writing fanfic?"

"You could've just told me!"

"God, I can't just announce to you nerds that my girlfriends and I read and write Star Trek slash. You'd assume that'd it means I'm game for a threesome."

"I can barely handle a twosome," Leonard laughed. "God, you've gotten over a million hits, T'Pen! I'm like dating someone who's Internet famous!"

"You two, please, don't tell anyone, especially Raj and Howard."

"Alas, I texted Amy so they already know," Sheldon announced as he fiddled with his mobile device. "Now, thanks to you, Penny, she's interested in Star Trek, even if she's reading your paltry tales written on a seventh grade level. If you like, I can instruct you in not only improving your composition skills and keeping everyone in character, so--"

"Oh my God, make it stop already!"

"That's easy," Leonard grinned. "Sheldon, can you help her write the sex scenes between Spock and Kirk?"

"I'll leave those to Penny's expertise since it's--oh look, Wil Wheaton's texted me!" Sheldon squealed in ecstasy. "Penny, he says he won't be my friend anymore if you write any fanfic featuring him so--"

"Let's get out of here Leonard and do something mindless," Penny interrupted the prattler as she yanked her boyfriend. "I don't want to be here to learn what Wheelchair Time Guy thinks of my writings."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in March 2014.
> 
> Ye Olde Disclaimer: Fanfic is always for fun, never for profit.


End file.
